Office Drinking

So on Friday I went out with a bunch of people from work. It was a lot of fun, and I’m really glad that I went. Because everyone in my office has such different tasks, it is hard to find time to interact during the day, and you don’t really get to know people that well. One of the other EAs organized everyone to go out for drinks. Everyone kind of went with the mentality that if it was terrible, they could just bail after one drink.

However, everyone ended up having an awesome time, and hanging out for a while. We all agreed that we have to make it, if not a weekly, then definitely a semi-monthly thing. Which will be cool, because it seems like a lot of the people I work with could be a lot of fun.

BUT. One kid got a little too drunk for the first office drinking function. E. and I were talking about how we need to find some people to date, and he was like “well, what’s the matter with dating someone from the office” wink, wink, inappropriate placement of arm around waist. Eek. He is nice enough, but really. That was the first time we have ever hung out. And while I am all for random making out in bars (obviously) I am not so much for random making out with SOMEONE YOU WORK WITH. That is not cool. And has the potential to be pretty awkward.

So I just kind of laughed it off, but still, a little weird. And once everyone started going off their own way, M. and I were going to get something to eat. We had not planned for food in the outing, which could have contributed to the general drunken feeling. And this boy was like “oh, I’m hungry, I’ll come”. And we couldn’t really say no. That would be mean. And while he was drunk, he is still a nice kid. And we do have to work with him.

So M. and I and the boy went off, and omg. He was being a little touchy and wayyyy drunk. And he started telling us about how he hates his roommate, and doesn’t have that many friends. And yes, I felt bad, because I know its hard to make friends. But getting drunk and creeping people out doesn’t really make them want to be friends with you. And then we decided to call it a night, even though he kept trying to get us to go out more with him. So then! He told us that he was just going to go drink alone. Oh boy. Not good.

So I eventually make it home, and around 2:30 (yup, that would be a.m.) my phone rings. And its him. I did not answer. I did text M. to see if she had gotten a phone call (she had not).

Oh my goodness. And I just passed him in the hallway, hence the reason for this post.

And my bosses are both gone all week. Expect many posts.

I need a new job

I want to preface this post by saying that I really like my job. The people I work with are awesome, and I have some really good friends there. The company is cool, and it is a nice easy commute for me. My two bosses are awesome, and really open. I am getting a lot of good experience and meeting new people.

However. The job is SO boring. omg. Basically (and yes, I realize that this makes me sound really self-confident, which I usually am not) I am a little too smart for the job. I find myself forcing myself to slow down at the different things that I do so that I will have enough work to last me the week. If I actually sat down and did the work at my normal pace I would be able to leave work every day at lunchtime.

I have talked to one of my bosses about this. He really likes me, and thinks that I do good work (He has told me this, it is not just wishful thinking on my part). He has, since our talk, been trying to pass more work my way, but there is really only so much stuff he can give me to do. And even the work that he gives me does not give me much of a challenge. I would like to have a job that makes me think a little more than I have to now. I want to be kept busy, and be challenged by the work that is keeping me busy.

Also, the job doesn’t pay that well. I would like to move out of my parent’s house sometime soon (yes, I’m only 23, so I know I have time, but still). My current job makes that hard to do, especially given the cost of living here in the NYC.

I have also been thinking about moving away from NY. As much as I love it, having grown up here, sometimes I think that it would be nice to live in a smaller town. (As a shameless fan of Gilmore Girls, for a while in high school Stars Hallow was my dream town). After working for a while, I don’t know if I could go as small as Stars Hallow, but a change of scene would be nice. It would also force me to meet new people and broaden my dating horizons. My family has another house upstate in NY, close to Vermont. Sometimes I think it would be nice to live there.

I am also thinking that it would be nice to get out of publishing. However, I am terribly indecisive, and I don't know too much about other career paths. As I look at the advancement paths in my industry, there is nothing that seems like it is something I would want to make a "career" out of. Anyone have any suggestions??

Apologies for the terribly long post, but this is just something that has been on my mind. So if anyone knows of jobs for sociology/English majors with sociological research experience and editorial skills who is looking for a change of career, let me know!

The weather outside is frightful...

Remember my last post on the beautiful weather we WERE having? Yes, well forget that.

My office is FREEZING. I have on 2 shirts and a sweater right now, in addition to my scarf. I would be tempted to pull my gloves out of my coat and stick those puppies on as well if it wouldn’t make it impossible to type. I mean, I understand that it is cold out. Yes, it might snow. Yes, it is windy. My office is in the middle of the building. No where near a window. But there is a icy wind breeze coming from somewhere. Where? Does our building have a hole? If so, I would think that would be something that we should get fixed. ASAP.

It is really hard to work when your fingers feel like they have frostbite. I don’t understand. Would it kill someone to put some heat on? Please??

In other weather related news, someone felt the need to open up the window on my train car this morning. Really? Was it really so stifling on the train that you needed to feel the freezing cold air as we chugged along at 100 mph? I think not.

So I might be slightly grumpy because I no longer have feeling in my toes or my nose, but really people. It is mid-February. A little heat goes a long way.

Maybe I will post about something more interesting that the temperature later, but for now this is all I can think about. Sorry.

That's my funday, my I don't have to run day

No work today! Before I had a full time job I never fully appreciated the concept of a three day weekend. In my week long winter and Christmas and spring breaks I scoffed at the people who were excited over the prospect of a "long weekend". Well, let me tell you, after a year of working at the same job every day a three day weekend is pretty much on par with Christmas in my world.

The knowlegde that I don't have to get up on Monday morning and head to work is wonderful. I went out last night and didn't have to worry about how I was going to stay awake at work today. I am so excited. In case you couldn't tell.

And the weather is fitting in perfectly with my day off. For some reason, its 60 degrees and sunny. What's up with that new york? But hey, I'm not going to complain. Maybe I'll go shopping.

I even fell for that stupid love song

Ok so last night I called him.

I couldn’t help it. Ah! It was valentine’s day eve and I was facing a very lonely valentine’s day, and I just wanted to know what happened!!

Why did he just decide to stop talking to me? I can’t just leave this hanging for the rest of my life!! And as he was obviously NOT going to call me I took it upon myself to stalk call him.

And yea, it did not go well. I feel like we all could have predicted THAT. Basically he said that I didn’t understand, it wasn’t just “one thing I did” there is a whole lot of stuff that we really should talk about. But he just doesn’t have time to. So could I leave him alone, he is very busy.

AWESOME. Way to make yourself a total pathetic loser there tilda.

So anyway, I at least have my shield of hurt confused anger back in place that will hopefully keep me away from the phone for a couple of weeks.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!!

Although C. and B. did give me some candy at work today. I love them!

Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?

One of my best friends from high school is in the Peace Corps in Africa. Her two years is almost up, and I am really happy about that. I miss her a lot. Even though we went to college in different states, we still saw each other every time we were home on break. Our friendship is nice, because even though we would not see each other for months at a time, we could pick right up where we left off when we finally did see each other.

Keeping in touch while she was gone was pretty hard. She did not have regular access to email, maybe a couple of times a year, and the mail service is very slow. It was kind of hard for us to keep each other updated on our lives through letters anyway, because by the time we finally received them, what we were writing about was about a month old.

However, I randomly signed on to aim for the first time in a while last night and SHE WAS ONLINE. I was so excited! Apparently someone in the village in which she is living has the internet now, and she was able to use it. It was amazing to talk to her. We were able to fill each other in on our lives so much better, and we could catch each other up on everything.

We talked for a couple of hours, and it was great. I have been feeling down about a lot of stuff lately, but this really helped make me feel better.

turn around and walk away...pretending I don't love you

This is so hard. A thousand times a day my hand goes to my phone to see if he has called. A thousand times I bring his number up in my phone forcing myself not to hit send, just staring at his number. A thousand times I check my email to see if there is anything from him.

I know this is the right thing to do. It is right for me. He hasn't gotten in touch with me. I feel like I am always the one to smooth things over and fix what's wrong. I need to be strong. If I matter to him, he would have made some attempt to get in touch with me. If he wanted this, he would have given me a sign. Running after him would only make me disappointed in myself.

This is so hard. But I miss him so much.

Last night, I met a guy on the dance floor and I let him call me baby

ok, so can I preface this post by saying, yes, I know it makes me sound slightly slutty, but whatever. I'm not. So it's okay.

I am SO sick. I hate being sick. And I hate being sick when (if I had just had a little common sense) I could have just prevented it.

I was out on saturday night, and a combination of events lead me to make out with this random boy in a bar. On the dance floor. In front of the several hundred people in the bar with me. Yup, we made out, then he turned to say something to his friend and I walked away.

Yes, never really a classy move. Especially when you have a) never met before and b) have no idea what his name is. But more importantly c) when he is a slobbery (ew!) kisser and gives you the worst freaking cold ever.

Boy-in-bar-in-philly I HATE YOU!! This was not the week when I needed a cold. I don't have enough stress in my life sheesh. And I could feel it lurking ever since his slobbery kiss, getting a little worse each day, until today. Bam. Friday. Runny nose, sore throat, headache. Yuck.

I am so mad.

So I was upset that Billy and I had passed the three week mark in no communication and apparenly our relationship was over. Would a little closure be too much to ask for? Apparently. And I knew I was going out with my friends, and I made a determined effort to have fun that night. I didn't take my phone out (drunken calls/texts are even more terrible of an idea than random make outs). I put Billy out of my head. I didn't want to be the drunk girl messily crying over some boy. So apparently my brain translated this into me becoming the drunk girl randomly making out with some boy on the dance floor. And also, all of my friends have fairly steady boyfriends, and yes, I am slightly jealous of their normal, drama free relationships. And a little upset that I no longer have someone to go home to. But is that any reason to go searching for the one germy boy in the room?? (and I'm not saying he looked germy, I do have some standards--he at least appeared to be showered).

All I'm saying--the next time I go out drinking, send me out with some airborne to ward off any slobbery mystery kissers.

Well maybe nothin' lasts forever even when you stay together

So I guess the time has come to bring up Billy. Ohhhh Billy. He is the never ending relationship. Our "thing" has been going on on and off since our sophomore year of college. and still, no resolution in sight. i have tried to walk away more times that i can count.

but, big tilda secret here, i am secretly terrified of being alone for the rest of my life. my family is pretty much the most important thing to me, and one day having my own family has always been important to me. Billy was the first guy that I ever dated, and really is the only guy that I have ever dated. Not to sound slutty or anything, but I have hooked up with lots of other guys, but none that I was really in a relationship with. So part of me is really terrified that if I walk away for good that will be it.

And yes, I know in my head that that is ridiculous, but I don't know. I can't explain it. It just is.

So anyway, last summer we broke up for good. He sent me this really mean email to my work (email!! after 4 years??) basically just saying how he never really was sure if he loved me etc. At work? How rude is that. So anyway, I tried really hard to stay away. And anytime I felt like wavering I would re-read the email and all of my hurt and anger would come back. But then after about 2 months he started calling me in the middle of the night and all this stuff.

And so, of course, we began talking again. I am weak, what can I say? But I really just was trying to be friends with him. I really didn't want to be in a relationship again. however, while I wasn't in a relationship with him, I couldn't move past him either, and by christmas time we had drifted back to where we were. and nothing had changed. and there were a lot of problems but those are another post.

so anyway, a couple of weeks ago we were talking on the phone, and we got into an argument. about something! I don't even remember what it was cause I (clearly) didn't think it was that important!! But, apparently he did. And so he hung up on me. And so now we have not spoken for three weeks. 3 weeks!!! He hung up on me? So he should be the one to call? am i right??

So anyway, after two weeks of nothing, I basically came to the executive decision that the relationship was over? Was this the right decision? Who knows. But it felt right to me, and I'm trying to stick to it. But its so hard!!! oh my god. i am trying to take it one day at a time. And I think its the right thing to do, but I just want some closure. is that too much to ask??

We just feel like we don't have the means to rise above and beat it

so yesterday was a pretty big day in the NYC. between the giants parade and the super tuesday primaries, the streets were packed with excited fans (both political and sports). between the blue shirts of the giants fans and the blue signs of the different candidates,it was tough manuvering during the morning commute.

and sadly, in between the blue were people like me trudging to yet another day at the office. several people left at lunchtime to go see the parade, and several more were late so that they could get their vote in. sadly, i am not hard core enough in my football fan status to justify shoving my way through crowds two blocks deep for a glimpse of eli manning (although that was a pretty amazing play). and you know that if i notice that a play is sweet it must have been pretty freaking awesome, what with my limited knowledge of football and all.

and also, new york is nice enough to give up till 9 pm to get our votes in, so i didn't even have that excuse to skip out on work. and that goodness they do give us that long, because i needed every last second of available time to make up my mind. i mean really, it was a down to the wire decision. neither candidate really inspired me. and i know that obama has been inspiring my age group left and right all over the country, but i really just don't feel it. i don't know. tough decision. and walking away from the polling booth, i still wasn't sure if i had made the right one. either way, clinton pretty much had new york tied up, so would my vote have really mattered?

i think a obama/clinton or clinton/obama ticket is really one that a lot of people will go for, and i think that it could really be effective and get a lot of interesting and important things done for this country, but neither candidate seemed too thrilled with the idea when it was raised in the last debate. it would be an interesting power struggle, that's for sure.

i will be keeping a close eye on these upcoming primaries.